Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Take a break with jokes

Dr Abe V Rotor 
Living with Nature School on Blog 
Paaralang Bayan sa Himpapawid (People's School-on-Air) with Miss Grace Velasco
738 DZRB AM Band, 8 to 9 evening class, Monday to Friday   

Light moments, Amadeo, Cavite, author and graduate students of UST

1. When the Creator gave out brains, I thought he said trains - and I missed mine! When He gave out good looks, I thought he said books - and I didn't want any! And when He said noses, I thought he said roses - and I ordered a big red one.

 2. A fellow in a lunatic asylum sat fishing over a flower bed.  A visiting doctor, wishing to be friendly asked.
"How many have you caught?"
Answered the not-so-dumb fisherman, "You are the ninth."

Here are two kinds of jokes: witty but biting (left); and humor built on homonyms - words that sound the same but have different meanings.. 

3. Not so long three lunatics escaped from a large asylum. Search officers combed the surrounding countryside for twenty-four hours, and they finally brought in five.

4. A grade-school student was having trouble with punctuation. "Never mind, sonny," said the visiting school board president, consolingly. "It's foolish to bother about commas; they don't amount too much, anyway." "Elizabeth Ann," said the teacher, "please write this sentence on the board: "The president of the board says the teacher is misinformed." "Now," she continued, "put a comma after the board and another after teacher."

5. It often happens that I wake at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope. (Pope John Paul XXIII)

6. Here's a story about smart kids. "I wonder why people say Amen and not Awomen?" Bobby questioned. His little friend replied, "Because they sing hymns and not hers, silly."

7. Motorist: "Your honor, I was not drunk.  I was only drinking." 
      Judge: "Well, in that case I an not going to send you to jail for one month - only for 30 days." 

 8. Here's a story for the political candidate for the coming election. Voter: "Why, I wouldn't vote for you if you were Saint Peter himself." Candidate: 'if I were Saint Peter, you couldn't vote for me - you wouldn't be in my district."

9. In prehistoric times, cavemen had a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine-chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. When modern men go through the same ritual, they call it golf.

10.  Here is a "sick" joke 
A young woman boarded a crowded bus. A tired little man got up and gave her his seat. There was a moment of silence. "I beg your pardon?" said the tired man. "I didn't say anything," replied the young woman. "I'm sorry," said the man. "I thought you said 'Thank you.'"

 Sick and saddistic joke 

Acknowledgment: Jokes, Quotes and One-Liners for Public Speakers by Prochnow H V and HV Prochnow Jr; Speaker's Encyclopedia of Humor by Jacob Braude, Prentice-Hall

No comments: