Thursday, March 21, 2013

Humor and wit brighten your life in gloomy weather

Dr Abe V Rotor
Living with Nature - School on Blog

"Jump high and fly, like the hopper, from ground to sky."  

On waking up and find yourself a millionaire
Five Filipinos were discussing what they would do if they awoke one morning to discover that they were millionaires 
  • The Cebuano said he would build a big cockpit arena.
  • The Manileño said he would go to Las Vegas and have a good time.
  • The Palaweño said he would build an island resort. 
  • The Ilocano said he would deposit the money in the bank and live on its interest.  
  • The Boholano said he would go to sleep again to see if he could make another million.
Why does a captain go down with his ship?
A soldier who lost his rifle was lectured by his captain and told he would have to pay for it. 
"Sir," gulped the soldier, "Suppose I lose a tank, will I have to pay it, too." 
" Yes, you will, even if it takes your whole life in the army." 
"Now I know why a captain goes down with his ship." 

Honesty really pays
Two friends were riding a bus and had just reached their destination.  At the station one of them realized she hadn't paid her fare. Confessing to her friend she asked, "Did you pay for me?"  To which her friend wryly answered, "No."
"Well, I'll go right up and pay."
"Why bother? That's just a small matter, and you were able to get away with it."  
"I believe that honesty always pays." And virtuously she went to see and pay the conductor. 
She returned holding a fifty-peso bill.  "See, I told you honesty always pays!"  "I handed a twenty-peso bill and he gave me this change." ~ 

Time and space 
"The distance between Manila and New York is the same as from New York to Manila." Explained one of three friends.  
"Well, not when you come back on the other side of the globe." 
"What do you think, Jon-Jon?"
 "I dunno; its just a week from Christmas to New Year, but is it a week from New Year to Christmas?" 

Just the same
"If you have your life to live over," the prominent octogenarian was asked, "do you think you'd make the same mistakes again?"
"Certainly," said the old man, "But I'd start sooner." 

Memory lapse 
"Have you forgotten that 500 pesos I lent you a month ago?"
"Not yet, give me time." ~ 

In his Sunday mass homily, the priest told the faithful, "As I look around, I ask myself, 'Where are the poor?' "
"But when I look at the collection, I say to myself, 'Where are the rich?' " 

A five-letter word is the real problem
A five-letter word,
not enemy, not study,
not bored, not birth,
neither dying nor death;
wanting around the world 
in springtime or autumn,
in dark days or sunny -
this five-letter word;
craved by everybody 
none other but money. 

All about Money
  • A well-known comedian was being seen frequently with a certain beautiful blonde.  Finally someone asked where they had met. "I dunno," said the comic.  "I just opened my wallet and there she was." 
  • When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion. (Voltaire)
  • I don't like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves. (Joe Louis)
  • Money talks as much as ever, but what it says nowadays makes less cents. 
  • Everything is subject to gravity except tax rate, salary, inflation, tuition, cost of living...
 Acknowledgment: Braude JM, Speaker's Encyclopedia of Humor; Procknow H & H Jr Procknow (Jokes, Quotes and One-Liners)

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