We are living in POSTMODERN times. 30 Global trends that are changing the way we live

Usapang Bayan Second Session July 3 2026

30 Global trends that are changing the way we live

Dr Abe V Rotor

We are living in POSTMODERN times.  It means we are living tomorrow today. It means we are living under simultaneous eras and movements which never happened in our  history: Green revolution, Industrial revolution, Environmental Revolution, Information revolution, Women’s Liberation, Cyber communication, Space travel. 

1. Shrinking Nature - displacement of natural habitats with man-made settlements, wildlife is vanishing both in areas and biological diversity. Nature reserves cannot compensate for such loss, and will never be able to bring about ecological balance as a whole. "It is no longer us against Nature, instead it's we who decide what nature is and what it will be." says Paul Crutzen, Nobel Prize Awardee.

"The world in our hands"

2. Stressful modern living - the higher the status the more stressful life is. The social ladder takes us to the syndrome posed by Paulas' Hope for the Flowers. There is really nothing up there, but a stressful life at the apex of society. The stressors affecting the poor are different from those in higher society. Those suffering of high-status stress find it more difficult to adjust than their counterpart in lower society. PHOTO

3. Loss of privacy - Yet we always strive to retain our privacy even in public. No way: the computer has all the info about us - true or not; our relationships on various levels, more so with our public image. Hidden cameras are everywhere, on the other hand we too, intrude into the privacy of others. GPS gives us information about places, with minute details, often intruding to one's privacy similar to trespassing.

4. Aging gracefully and Niche Aging - Forget conventional wisdom; gray-haired societies aren't a problem. Longevity is increasing all over the world: the average age of a Japanese is 78 years with America following at its heels with 75 or 76 years. We are quite close to China with at least 70 years. Science and technology, socio-cultural and economic opportunities make ageing a privilege today.

In an article - Niche Aging, author Harriet Barovick said, "...the generic settlement model is starting to give way to what developers are calling affinity housing - niche communities where people as they advance in age opt to grow old alongside others who share a specific interest. Niche living is the latest step in the evolution of the planned retirement community.

5. "Immortal" Food - Food that virtually last forever (by increasing the shelf life), while there is a current trend which is the opposite. Go natural - food, clothing, energy, housing, and practically anything we eat and use everyday. (See article, Living Naturally, in this Blog)

6. Black Irony - Blackness has many 

connotations and implications - principally, historical and religious. Black means race, hell, disease, death, hopelessness, discrimination. But all these cannot not be grossly weighed as negative or destructive. Today when we talk of black we may be referring to the colored athletes who dominate many sports, great leaders of movements like Wangari who planted millions of trees in Kenya, and not to look far, President Obama of the US, and the living hero of South Africa, Nelson Mandela. Racial discrimination - racism and apartheid - may soon be a thing of the past. It is because man is created equal beneath their skin, and in fact, by circumstance, the colored races have proved superiority over the non-colored: in schools, scientific discoveries, business, technology - name it and you have a colored standing out.

7. "Handprints, not Footprints" - a more encouraging way to conceptualize our impact in our handprints; the sum of all the reductions we make in our footprints." Says the brainchild of this idea, a Harvard professor. We can reduce the impact of living against the environment - less CO2, less CFC, less non-biodegradables and other synthetics, less pesticides, etc. On the other side of the equation would be the number of trees we plant, our savings on electricity and water. Lesser pollutants, if not arresting pollution itself - and the like.

8. "Your head is in the cloud" - The best way to explain this is in the article written by Annie Murphy Paul. To quote: "Inundated by more information that we can possibly hold in our heads, we're increasingly handing off the job of remembering to search engines and smart phones." Never mind memorizing the multiplication table, or Mendeleev's Periodic Table of Elements. Spelling of a word, its homonym, antonym? Check it out on the computer. Presto! it will correct the word automatically. Search Love, and it comes in a thousand-and-one definitions. Assignment? Search, download, print, submit - just don't forget to place your name. Psychologists are back to the drawing board about learning. They have proposed a new term - transactive memory, a prelude to blending natural and artificial intelligence.

9. The rise of Nones - Nones are people who have no religious affiliation. More and more people are dissociating from organized religions, a kind of freedom to feel more devoted to God, of moving away from the scandals of the church, and money-making religions . For most, they are not rejecting God. They are rejecting organized religion as being rigid and dogmatic. However, a survey in the US showed that spiritual connection and community hasn't be severed by this new trend. Forty percent (40%) of the unaffiliated are fairly religious, and many of them are still hoping to eventually find the right religious home.

10. Living alone is the new norm PHOTO - Solitary living is spreading all over the world. It is the biggest social change that has been long neglected. Living solo is highest in Sweden (47%), followed by Britain (37%). Following the list in decreasing order are Japan, Italy, US, Canada, Russia, South Africa, Kenya, and Brazil (10%). Living alone helps people pursue sacred modern values - individual freedom, personal control and self realization. In Lonely American, however, Harvard psychiatrists warn of increased aloneness and the movement toward greater social isolation, which are detrimental to health and happiness to the person, and in the long run, to the community and nation.

11. Common Wealth - National interests aren't what they used to be. Our survival requires global solutions. The defining challenge of the 21st century will be to face the reality that humanity shares a common fate on a crowded planet. Global warming, acid rain, El Niño, don't know political boundaries.

12. The End of Customer Service - With self-service technology, you'll never have to see a clerk again. It is an era of self-service - from filling up gas to banking to food service. Swipe your ID card to enter an office or a school campus. Credit cards abound, so with many kinds of coupons, all self service.

13. The Post-Movie-Star Era. Get ready for more films in which the leading man is not"he" but "Who?" Goodbye James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, Marlon Brando, Fernando Poe Jr. Welcome Nemo in Finding Nemo PHOTO, Xi in Gods Must be Crazy.

14. Reverse Radicalism . Want to stop terrorism? Start talking to terrorists who stop themselves. Conflicts arising from radicalism can be settled through peaceful rather than by bloody means.

15. Kitchen Chemistry . Why the squishy art of cooking is giving way to cold, hard science? There are specialized courses in culinary art, with the chef as central figure with a degree. Hom,e economics has grown into Hotel and Restaurant Management.

16. Geoengineering . Messing with Nature caused global warming. Messing with it more might fix it. Can we ignite a volcano to cool the earth like the eruption of Mt Pinatubo did twenty years ago? Scientists believe we can divert an approaching typhoon out of its path. Better still abort it at its early stage. PHOTO 

Mt Pinatubo crater lake, Zambales

17.Curing the "Dutch Disease." How resource-rich nations can unravel the paradox of plenty PHOTO Internet. It's true, oil-rich nations in the Middle East - and Holland, and lately Nigeria, where the term was developed - are not growing fast in terms of Gross Domestic Products (GDP). Now compare this is non-oil rich nations like China and Vietnam, which are growing close to 10 percent annually in GDP.

18. Women's Work. Tapping the female entrepreneurial; spirit can pay big dividends. Women's Lib brought the female species at par - if not excel - with its counterpart. More and more women are occupying high positions in government and industries. Women may soon have higher literacy rates than men.

19. Beyond the Olympics. Coming: Constant TV coverage of global sporting events. Boxing grew into various titles, football games in various tournaments fill the TV screen. New sports and games are coming out. PHOTOS Internet

20. Jobs Are the New Assets. A sampling of fast-growing occupations - Actuaries, financial analyst, computer programmer, fitness trainer, biophysicists, translators, manicurists, marriage counselors, radiologists. Need a design for your product? Give it to an IT graduate with a background in design. Need a kind of product or service not found in the mall or supermarket, search the Internet. Entrepreneurs have taken over much of the functions of big business. Unemployment has given rise to this new breed - the entrepreneurs.

21. Recycling the Suburbs. Environmentalists will celebrate the demise of sprawling suburbs, which left national addicted to cars. Infrastructures will be converted in favor of "green", town centers, public libraries, museums, sports centers, parks. 

Tree stump along Quirino Ave MM represents hundreds of trees cut down by San Miquel Corp, contractor of a huge infrastructure project. Internet

Notice the gas stations along NLEX and South Road, they have transformed into a complex where motorists can enjoy their brief stopover. More and more countries are imposing regulation to green the cities, from sidewalks to rooftops. Hanging Gardens of Babylon, anyone. If this was one of the wonders of the ancient world, why certainly we can make a replicate - perhaps a bigger one - given all our modern technology and enormous available capital.

22. The New Calvinism. More moderate evangelicals are exploring cures for doctrinal drift, offering some assurance to " a lot of young people growing up in sub-cultures of brokenness, divorce, drugs, sexual temptations, etc."

23. Reinstating the Interstate, the Superhighways. These are becoming a new network of light rail and "smart power" electric grid. This is the alternative to car culture that thrives on fossil fuel and promotes suburban sprawl.

24. Amorality. Amorality - "non-moral sensitive" or "neutral morality' - whatever 

you may call it, this thinking has revolutionized our attitudes toward age. There are people who "refuse to grow old," people who wish to be resurrected from hiscryonized corpse. PHOTO Internet

25. Africa , Business Destination. Next "economic miracle" is in the black continent. Actually it has began stirring the economic consciousness of investors and developers                                                            

                         

26. The Rent-a-Country. Corporate Farming, an approach pioneered by the Philippines in the 60's and 70s, is now adopted by giant companies to farm whole valleys, provinces, island, of countries other than their own. Call it neo-colonialism, - these are food contracts, the latest new green revolution, more reliable food security.

27. Biobanks. Safe deposits - freezers full of tissues for transplants, cryotude for blood samples, liquid nitrogen storage for sperms and eggs, test-tube baby laboratories and clinics. Welcome, surrogate motherhood, post-menopausal technology, in-situ cloning, multiple birth technology, and the like.

28. Survival Stores. Sensible shops selling solar panels, electric bicycles, power generators, energy food bars, portable windmill, etc. Attributes: living off the grid, smart recycling, sustainability, consume less, self-sufficiency, basic+ useful, durable lifetime guarantee, hip + cool community, independent, responsible, co-op, brand-free, out of the oven, goodness-driven, health fitness, meditation, bartering, sharing, socialistic capitalism.

                           

Postmodern architecture. Bird’s nest stadium, Beijing China Internet

29. Ecological Intelligence. There are guidelines now available to judge products on their social and environmental impact. This is new culture characterized by environment-consciousness, environment-friendliness. Here life-cycle assessment and clean-up corporate ecology become an obligation. We are going back - happily and beautifully to a simple and natural lifestyle.

 

30. Ecomigration - As global warming continues and the sea level rises more and more low lying areas will be swallowed up by the sea. Before this happens, people will have to move to safer grounds. This phenomenon is happening to many island in the Pacific, among them the Kiribati and Micronesia groups of islands. PHOTO Internet

Participants pose with resource speaker Dr Abe V Rotor 

(center), LAWIN officers, and Barangay coordinators. 

Lagro, QC

References: Living with Nature in Our Times AVRotor; Time Magazine, March 24, 2008 and March 23, 2009; Time Magazine March 12, 2012 Please visit website avrotor.blogspot.com  

Acknowledgement with Gratitude: Internet photos as indicated

(Past lesson Paaralang Bayan sa Himpapawid 738 KHz AM with Ms Melly Tenorio); Seminar Workshop with author as resource person.

Legacy of Abraham Lincoln - A Reflection: In Celebration of the 250th Anniversary of the Independence of USA, July 4, 2026

Legacy of Abraham Lincoln - A Reflection 

Dr Abe V Rotor
Living with Nature - School on Blog

Among the top ten persons who have greatly influenced by life is Abraham Lincoln.
I came face to face with my idol before his monument in Washington DC in 1976. It was a long silent conversation; it took almost a day. Abraham Lincoln Memorial, Washington DC
The fellow is a giant indeed - his physique, his face, the way he speaks (I heard his simulated voice in Disneyland in LA.) His Gettysburg Address is the most powerful - and the most recited and quoted - speech to this day.

His anecdotes are full wit and wisdom, and convey a deep but practical philosophy, mainly about living life with purpose and dignity. Yet he rarely sounds moralistic. His naturalness makes people feel a true sense of belonging to their government and society (government of, for and by the people.

He is an environmentalist and upholds the principle of "reverence for life." Abe, as he was fondly called as a boy, grew up in a log cabin, studied his lessons under a big oak tree, cut logs, farmed and fished, and enjoyed life in a pristine environment. Nature was his constant companion that prepared him to become the most powerful leader on earth - president of the USA - and one of the greatest men who ever lived.

I came across anecdotes and sayings of and about Lincoln. I believed that these are originally his works; others were written by those in admiration to the man. I have found a lot of these materials as valuable references in my teaching career and as a journalist.

• You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
• You cannot help small men by tearing down big men.
• You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
• You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.
• You cannot help the poor man by destroying the rich.
• You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income.
• You cannot further the brotherhood of men by inciting class hatred.
• You cannot establish security on borrowed money.
• You cannot build character and courage by taking away man's initiative and independence.
• You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.

Lincoln's favorite hymn

When I Can Read My Title Clear

by Isaac Watts.

It shows Lincoln's deep devotion to God.

When I can read my title clear

To mansions in the skies,

I'll bid farewell to ev'ry fear

And wipe my weeping eyes.

"Should earth against my soul engage,

And fiery darts be hurled,

Then I can smile at Satan's rage

And face a frowning world.

"Let cares, like a wild deluge come,

And storms of sorrow fall!

May I but safely reach my home,

My God, my heav'n my all.

"There shall I bathe my weary soul

In seas of heav'nly rest,

And not a wave of trouble roll

Across my peaceful breast"

Biographical Sketch: Lincoln, Abraham ["Honest Abe"] (1809-1865) American politician, U.S. Congressman (Illinois, 1847-1860), 16th president of the United States (1861-65) [noted for his anti-slavery election ticket, which precipitated the secession of the Southern states, his leadership of the Union forces during the ensuing Civil War, his Emancipation Proclamation (1863) freeing Southern slaves, his famous Gettysburg Address (1863), his draft of the Thirteenth Amendment (prohibiting slavery in the United States, 1865), his proposal of a generous settlement to the defeated Southerners following the war, and his assassination in a Washington theater by John Wilkes Booth (1865)]

Reference: Anecdotes about Abraham Lincoln, selected by Webmaster.

International Joke Day July 1, 2026 "Laughter Unites Us All." in 10 Joyous Articles

 International Joke Day July 1, 2026

"Laughter Unites Us All."

Researched and compiled by Dr Abe V Rotor

"Life is worth living as long as there's a laugh in it." 

Lucy Maud Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

Light moments, Amadeo, Cavite, author with his students at the University of Santo Tomas  Graduate School. 

Part 1 - The Lighter Side of Human Nature
Part 2 - Use Wit and Humor to be an Effective Speaker
Part 3 - Laughter is a Lifetime. Soften the worst blows of life with humor.
Part 4 - Laughter helps you live longer
Part 5 - Take a break with humor
Part 6 - Let the sun shine in with wit and humor.
Part 7 - "Get out of your box!" through Wit and Humor
Part 8 - Put Some Wit in Humor
Part 9 - Learn and practice the art of telling jokes
Part10 - Cheer Up, It's Christmas!

Part 1 - The Lighter Side of Human Nature

on Marriage and Married Life 

according to some great men

"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." —Benjamin Franklin

                        Researched and Complied by Dr Abe V Rotor

1. "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." - Alec Baldwin

2. “Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”—George Bernard Shaw

3. "A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong."- Barack Obama

4. "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Rudy Giuliani

5. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes” - Jim Carrey

6. “Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”—Mickey Rooney

7. "By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates

8. "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - George W. Bush

9. "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." - Michael Jordan

10. "I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children!" - Donald Trump

11. “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”—Benjamin Franklin

12. "After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together." - Al Gore

13. “Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”—George Bernard Shaw

14. "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." - Alec Baldwin

15.  “The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous

16. "I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me." - Bill Clinton

17.  “I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now change your Facebook status.”—Anonymous ~

18. “Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”—Ogden Nash

19. "My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me." —Winston Churchill

20. “Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown. Marriage humor of great men and women. ~

Acknowledgement with gratitude and apologies to all concerned, and sources. - avr

Part 2 - Use Wit and Humor to be an Effective Speaker 

Start and intersperse your speech with appropriate wit and humor. First, break the ice, keep the attention of your audience to the end, motivate them and impart a lasting lesson.  

Researched and Organized by Dr Abe V Rotor 
Living with Nature - School on Blog 

Break the ice.  Examples  ”It’s a good thing love is blind; otherwise it would see too much.” Advice to doctors: “When treating cases of amnesia, collect the fee in advance.”

Types of Humor

Anecdote (funny short story you have personal knowledge of.) Lincoln is a master anecdote teller.

Antonymism (contrasting words or phrases) “The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.” 

“A woman begins by resisting a man’s advances and ends by blocking his retreat.” – Oscar Wilde

Banter (among close friends) “Here he comes, hide his shorts you stole from him.” Of course this is not true. "Here comes the biggest carabao in the Philippines." the late Senator Aquino to then Senator Erap Estrada the sponsor of the Carabao Bill 

Biogram (witticism about a famous person)

“Adam was the happiest man in the world because he had no mother-in-law.”

”Venus is a woman whose statue shows us the danger of biting our finger nails.”

Blendword (coinage of new words): “smog for smoke and fog.” “scurry for scatter and hurry.” “eat and run.”

The happy genius, Albert Einsten

Blunder (wit, a person who makes mistakes, makes look foolish)

“Dr Cruz returned from the US yesterday and will take up his cuties (duties) at the hospital.”

“Is it kistomary to cus the bride?” over eager newly wed to the officiating minister.

Bonehead (headline boner) “Population of RP broken down by sex and age.” “Girl disappears in bathing suit.” “Three men held in cigarette case.”

Boner (slip, short and pointed mistakes with amusing effect.) “The future of to give is to take.” The king wore a robe trimmed with vermin.”

Bull (absurd contradiction) “May you live all the days of your life.” – Jonathan Swift.  “The happiest man on earth is one who has never been born.” “Miriam Santiago was the best Philippine president we never had.”  Eulogy for (of) the late senator.

Burlesque (satire) Story of the Frog and a Princess. The princess related the story to her mother. … the next morning when the princess awoke, she noticed alongside her a handsome Prince.  And would you believe it? To this day her mother doesn’t believe a word of this story.

Caricature (exaggeration in ludicrous distortion)  “He is so tall he has to stand on a chair to brush his teeth.”

Catch Tale (funny story, with a catch at the end.  “She laid still white form beside those that had gone before.  No groan, no sob forced its way from her heart.  Then suddenly she let forth a cry that pierced the stillness of the place, making the air vibrate with a thousand echoes.  It seemed to come from her very soul.  Twice the cry repeated, then all was quiet again.  She would lay another egg tomorrow.”

Confucian Sayings (Ironic, yet with aphorisms; witticism ) Confucius says “Ostrich that keep head in sand too long during hot part of day burned in the end.” “Easy for girl to live on love if he rich.” “Man who make love to girl on hillside, not on level.”

Conundrum (riddle, word puzzle quite impossible to solve) “Why does a cow wear a bell? Its horns don’t work.”  “What is worse than seeing a worm in an apple? Seeing only half of the worm.”

Cumulative humor (chain-story pattern) From an old English classic: “For want of a nail, the shoe was lost.  For want of a shoe, the horse was lost.  For want of a horse, the rider was lost.  For want of a rider the battle was lost.  For want of a battle, the kingdom was lost  And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.”

Double Blunder (mistake and another in an attempt to correct the first) A man in a party turns to another and asks, “Who is that awful-looking lady in the corner?’ “Why she is my wife.” Says the second man.  “Oh, I don’t mean her,” the quick evasion.  “I mean the lady next to her.” “That,” cries the man indignantly, “is my daughter.”

Epigram (prose witticism, satire, evils and follies of mankind)”The world should make peace first and then make it last.”  “Always do your best, but not your best friend.” “We don’t get ulcers from what we eat, but what is eating us.” “When you are right, no one remembers, when you are wrong no one forgets.” 

Exagerism (overstatement, features, focuses on defects, peculiarities) “She is so industrious, when she has nothing to do she sits and knits her brows.” Story of a very strong typhoon by three humbugs: First, “.. so strong the wind blows you down the street.”  Second: “In our place it’s so strong, when a carabao smiles it surely loses its hide.” Third: “Both your typhoons are nothing; in my place the flashlight can keep its light straight through the wind.”  “A tree once grew rapidly that it actually pulled itself up by its roots. (early 1800 jokes called Yankeeism, Jonathonism)

Extended proverb (twisted proverb) “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Becomes an onion s day keeps everyone away.” “There’s no fool like an old fool – because he had more experience. “He who hesitates is probably torn between vice and versa.”   

Fool’s Query (foolish question) Guide explaining to tourists: “And these rock formations were piled up by the glaciers,” he said.  “but where are glaciers?” asked an elderly woman.  “They’ve gone back Madam, to get some more rocks.” Was the reply.

Freudian slip (humorous accidental statement) After a party a couple attended, the wife said warmly with a handshake, “It was so nice for us to come.” (Freud discovered accidental slips are subsurface thought processes that remove neurotic symptom.

Gag (clever remark funny trick) “Did you get up with a grouch today?” “No, she got up before me.”

Mixed words (after Goldwynism, moviemaker) “Answer me a question.” (from Lost Horizon).  Hapasible (hampass is to blow) “Shinong lashing?”  Drunk

Hecklerism (heckling, noisy drunk interrupting emcee) “Hey, you are a day late!” “Why don’t you tell that to the marines!”

Irony (expressing opposite of what is really meant)  When Lincoln was once  told that a northerner politician had expressed a strong dislike for him, he stroked his chin in perplexity. “That’s odd,” he said. “I cant understand why he dislikes me.  I never did.”

Response of a lottery winner to a friend who asked, “Are you excited?” “Me excited? I’m as calm as a man with his pants on fire.”

There was a young man who left town, went to a big city and made quite a name for himself.  After five years absence he arrived at a train station in his old home town.  Despite his expectations there was no one at the platform he knew.  Discouraged he sought out the station master, his friend since childhood.  To him at least he would be welcome, and he was about to extend a hearty greeting, when the other spoke first.  “Hello George,” he said. “Going away?”

Malapropism (French mal-a-propos, inappropriate, out of place) “Please, ladies, feel in the family way.” (feel at home) “I approve the permanent appointment of all prostitute teachers.”  (substitute teachers) 

Marshallism (satiric, twist-witticism, attributed to US V Thomas Marshall) What is country needs a man who can be right and President at the same time.” “What our country needs is more of good citizens and less of law.”

Mistaken Identity (comic confusion of one person or thing with another) portrays ignorant person or simpleton. “Hi, George, Happy birthday.” “ I’m Johnny, he is George,” pointing at the celebrant. 

Nonsensism ((mock logic, fallacies without reason, epigram, wisecrack) “She has money more than she can afford.”  “My father and mother are cousins – that’s why I look so much alike.”

Parody (satire, wordplay) “Don’t worry if your job is small.  And your rewards are few,  Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you.”

Personifier (celebrity’s most typical trait, related to caricaturism and biogram) , “Samson was so strong, he could lift himself by his hair three feet off the ground.”

Practical Joke (joke put to action). Gadget prank, rough. Discomforting. “Here’s your fruit juice. Toast.” It turn out to be liquor, and the poor fellow coughs.  Laughter. 

Recovery (blunder and wit combined)An employee was found asleep by his foreman.  “Good heavens!” he cried upon being awakened. “Can a man close his eyes for a few minutes of prayer?”

The Relapse (opposite of Recovery) A man bought a railroad ticket, picked up the change, and walked off.  After a few minutes he returned and said to the agent. “You gave me the wrong change”  “Sorry, sir” replied the mam behind the window. “You should have called my attention to it at the time.”  “Okay.” Acquiesced the passenger, “You gave me fiver dollars too much.” To Dr Kinsey, the sexiologist, a lady asked at the end of his lecture in the Q & A period, “Tell me Dr Kinsey, what is really the vital difference between a man and a woman?” “Madam, I can not conceive.” 

--------------------------

Reference: All about Humor

The art of Using Humor in Public Speaking

By Anthony L Audrieth

                              Part 3 - Laughter is a Lifetime

Soften the worst blows of life with humor.

"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it." - Bill Cosby

Dr Abe V Rotor 

Light moments, Amadeo, Cavite, author with his students at the University of Santo Tomas  Graduate School. 

1. A judge in sentencing a criminal recently said, "I am giving you the maximum punishment - I am letting you go free to worry about taxes, inflation, and everything else, just like the rest of us."

2. In prehistoric times, cavemen had a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine-chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. When modern men go through the same ritual, they call it golf.

3. Not so long three lunatics escaped from a large asylum. Search officers combed the surrounding countryside for twenty-four hours, and they finally brought in five.

4. When the Creator gave out brains, I thought he said trains - and I missed mine! When He gave out good looks, I thought he said books - and I didn't want any! And when He said noses, I thought he said roses - and I ordered a big red one.

5. A young woman boarded a crowded bus. A tired little man got up and gave her his seat. There was a moment of silence. "I beg your pardon?" said the tired man. "I didn't say anything," replied the young woman. "I'm sorry," said the man. "I thought you said 'Thank you.'"

6. A grade-school student was having trouble with punctuation. "Never mind, sonny," said the visiting school board president, consolingly. "It's foolish to bother about commas; they don't amount too much, anyway." "Elizabeth Ann," said the teacher, "please write this sentence on the board: "The president of the board says the teacher is misinformed." "Now," she continued, "put a comma after the board and another after teacher."

7. An American engineer returned recently from a mission to the Soviet Union. The Russians, he reported, were fascinated by the Americans' use of the expression OK. " But what is this Okie-Dokie? one Russian asked him. Before he could answer, another Russian interrupted with, "Don't be a dope. It's the feminine of OK.

8. It often happens that I wake at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope. (Pope John Paul XXIII)

9. Here's a story about smart kids. "I wonder why people say Amen and not Awomen?" Bobby questioned. His little friend replied, "Because they sing hymns and not hers, silly."

10. Here's a story for the political candidate for the coming election. Voter: "Why, I wouldn't vote for you if you were Saint Peter himself." Candidate: 'if I were Saint Peter, you couldn't vote for me - you wouldn't be in my district."

11. Motorist: "Your honor, I was not drunk.  I was only drinking." 
      Judge: "Well, in that case I an not going to send you to jail for one month - only for 30 days." 

12. A fellow in a lunatic asylum sat fishing over a flower bed.  A visiting doctor, wishing to be friendly asked.
"How many have you caught?"
Answered the not-so-dumb fisherman, "You are the ninth."

13. The many faces of Peace

Peace is often mispronounced and a butt of jokes: fish, feast, piss, fish be with you, phase 1- phase 2, piece of paper, may you rest in peace (good sleep). – (Fr. Jerry Orbos, June 11, 2006) PHOTO Happy children

14. Count
What comes after five? Six, po. 7? Eight, po. Who taught you how to count? My father, po.  What comes next after ten? Jack, po. (Fr. Jerry Orbos, June 11, 2006)

15. Neighbors
"Good morning, madam. I'm the piano-tuner."
"But I didn't send for a piano-tuner."
"I know, It was a committee of your neighbors that called up." 

16. Man - Men
Men can be divided into three classes:

1. The handsome
2. The intellectual
3. The great majority

17. Three things to give to marriage:

1. Industry
2. Inspiration
3. In

18. Kiss
"Best way to quiet a hysterical girl ," said the psychologist, "is to give her a kiss."
"But how do you get them hysterical?"

19. Language 
"So you have just returned from Paris.  Did you have any trouble with your French?"
"No, but the French did."

20. Just to show you
A wife was frying eggs for her husband’s breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen, “Careful…
CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful… CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUK! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Don’t forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him. “What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry eggs?”


The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you how it feels like to have you sitting next to me when I’m driving.

Acknowledgment: Jokes, Quotes and One-Liners for Public Speakers by Prochnow H V and HV Prochnow Jr; Speaker's Encyclopedia of Humor by Jacob Braude, Prentice-Hall

Part 4 -

Laughter helps you live longer

“He who laughs, lasts.”

Researched and organized by Dr Abe V Rotor

 You can’t feel anxious, angry, or sad when you are laughing.

Nothing diffuses anger and conflict than a shared laugh.  Looking at the funny side can put problems into perspective and enable you to move on from confrontations without holding onto bitterness and resentment.

 

Albert Einstein in a very good mood.  I can virtually hear his laughter.

 A study in Norway found that people with a strong sense of humor outlived those who don’t laugh as much. Laughter relaxes the whole body.  A good and hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscle relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.  Laughter boosts the immune system.  Laughter decreases stress hormone and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease, 

  Laughter -

· Boosts immunity

· Lowers stress hormones

· Decreases pain

· Relaxes your muscles

· Adds joy and zest to life

· Eases anxiety and tension

· Relieves stress

· Improves mood

· Strengthens resilience

· Prevents heart disease

 Laughter stops distressing emotions.  You can’t feel anxious, angry, or sad when you are laughing.  Laughter draws you closer to others, which can have a profound effect on all aspects of your mental and emotional health.

Part 5 - Take a break with humor 

"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it." - Bill Cosby

Dr Abe V Rotor 

1. A judge in sentencing a criminal recently said, "I am giving you the maximum punishment - I am letting you go free to worry about taxes, inflation, and everything else, just like the rest of us."

2. In prehistoric times, cavemen had a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine-chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. When modern men go through the same ritual, they call it golf.

3. Not so long three lunatics escaped from a large asylum. Search officers combed the surrounding countryside for twenty-four hours, and they finally brought in five.

4. When the Creator gave out brains, I thought he said trains - and I missed mine! When He gave out good looks, I thought he said books - and I didn't want any! And when He said noses, I thought he said roses - and I ordered a big red one.

5. A young woman boarded a crowded bus. A tired little man got up and gave her his seat. There was a moment of silence. "I beg your pardon?" said the tired man. "I didn't say anything," replied the young woman. "I'm sorry," said the man. "I thought you said 'Thank you.'"

6. A grade-school student was having trouble with punctuation. "Never mind, sonny," said the visiting school board president, consolingly. "It's foolish to bother about commas; they don't amount too much, anyway." "Elizabeth Ann," said the teacher, "please write this sentence on the board: "The president of the board says the teacher is misinformed." "Now," she continued, "put a comma after the board and another after teacher."

7. An American engineer returned recently from a mission to the Soviet Union. The Russians, he reported, were fascinated by the Americans' use of the expression OK. " But what is this Okie-Dokie? one Russian asked him. Before he could answer, another Russian interrupted with, "Don't be a dope. It's the feminine of OK.

8. It often happens that I wake at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope. (Pope John Paul XXIII)

9. Here's a story about smart kids. "I wonder why people say Amen and not Awomen?" Bobby questioned. His little friend replied, "Because they sing hymns and not hers, silly."

10. Here's a story for the political candidate for the coming election. Voter: "Why, I wouldn't vote for you if you were Saint Peter himself." Candidate: 'if I were Saint Peter, you couldn't vote for me - you wouldn't be in my district."

11. Motorist: "Your honor, I was not drunk.  I was only drinking." 
      Judge: "Well, in that case I an not going to send you to jail for one month - only for 30 days." 

12. A fellow in a lunatic asylum sat fishing over a flower bed.  A visiting doctor, wishing to be friendly asked.
"How many have you caught?"
Answered the not-so-dumb fisherman, "You are the ninth."

13. The many faces of Peace
Peace is often mispronounced and a butt of jokes: fish, feast, piss, fish be with you, phase 1- phase 2, piece of paper, may you rest in peace (good sleep). – (Fr. Jerry Orbos, June 11, 2006)

14. Count
What comes after five? Six, po. 7? Eight, po. Who taught you how to count? My father, po.  What comes next after ten? Jack, po. (Fr. Jerry Orbos, June 11, 2006)

15. Neighbors
"Good morning, madam. I'm the piano-tuner."
"But I didn't send for a piano-tuner."
"I know, It was a committee of your neighbors that called up." 

16. Man - Men
Men can be divided into three classes:

1. The handsome
2. The intellectual
3. The great majority

17. Three things to give to marriage:

1. Industry
2. Inspiration
3. In

18. Kiss
"Best way to quiet a hysterical girl ," said the psychologist, "is to give her a kiss."
"But how do you get them hysterical?"

19. Language 
"So you have just returned from Paris.  Did you have any trouble with your French?"
"No, but the French did."

20. Just to show you
A wife was frying eggs for her husband’s breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen, “Careful…
CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful… CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUK! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Don’t forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him. “What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you how it feels like to have you sitting next to me when I’m driving.

Acknowledgment: Jokes, Quotes and One-Liners for Public Speakers by Prochnow H V and HV Prochnow Jr; Speaker's Encyclopedia of Humor by Jacob Braude, Prentice-Hall

Part 6 - Let the sun shine in with wit and humor.

                          "Humor is mankind's greatest blessing." -  Mark Twain

                                                            Dr Abe V Rotor

The many faces of Peace
Peace is often mispronounced and a butt of jokes: fish, feast, piss, fish be with you, phase 1- phase 2, piece of paper, may you rest in peace (good sleep). – (Fr. Jerry Orbos, June 11, 2006)6. Count

What comes after five? Six, po. 7? Eight, po. Who taught you how to count? My father, po. What comes next after ten? Jack, po. (Fr. Jerry Orbos, June 11, 2006)

Man - Men

Men can be divided into three classes:

1. The handsome
2. The intellectual
3. The great majority

 Three things to give to marriage:

1. Industry
2. Inspiration
3. In

Kiss

"Best way to quiet a hysterical girl ," said the psychologist, "

  is to give her a kiss."

"But how do you get them hysterical?"

Language 
"So you have just returned from Paris.  Did you have any trouble with your French?"

"No, but the French did." ~

"A day without laughter is a day wasted." - Charlie Chaplin

Part 7 -  "Get out of your box!" through Wit and Humor 

Researched and organized by Dr Abe V Rotor

   " What are the chances of my recovering, doctor?

     "One hundred per cent. Medical records show that nine out of ten die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died. So you see, you're bound to get well. Statistics are statistics." 

   One hundred men went into the woods to cut logs.  They took along two women to cook for them.  Before the winter ended, two of the men married the women.  This was normal.  However, a statistician startled outsiders by reporting that 2 per cent of the men married 100 per cent of the women!  

    The lion ate a bull.  He felt so good that he roared and roared.  A hunter heard him, found him and killed him.  There is a moral to this, and it is that when you are full of bull, keep your mouth shut.      

 In a federal court, an elderly American Indian was charged with bootlegging.
     "You name?" asked the judge.
     "Have you a lawyer."

      Again, silence.
     "Do you understand English?"
     The Indian kept staring blankly ahead. The judge shrugged and turned to the district attorney.
     "This is a trivial case, anyhow," he said. "He doesn't seem to understand a word of English. Probably he doesn't realize he has done wrong. Dismiss the case."
     Told he could go, the Indian nevertheless sat motionless while the next case was called. This time it was a white man who was charged with the same offense. The defense lawyer, noted for his oratory, delivered an impassioned plea for mercy. Unmoved, the judge gave the defendant five years in the penitentiary.
     As the crestfallen lawyer was leaving the courtroom, the elderly Indianfell in behind him. Suddenly the Indian leaned over and whispered in the lawyer's ear:
     "White man talk too much." 

    People are laughing yet over an incident which occurred at a PTA meeting. Five little graders marched out onto the stage to welcome everyone, each child carrying a large cardboard letter to spell out the word "H-E-L-L-O."

     All took their correct positions except the little lad who carried the letter "O." He had forgotten where to stand.  He passed a few moments at the rear of the stage, much to the amusement of the audience.  But he really brought down the house when he finally decided he belonged at the head of the group! 

   She was an economical, industrious and ambitious young wife and often tried to persuade her husband to give up smoking.  One day she pointed out to him, in exact figures, how much he spent on tobacco in the course of a year. 

     "And you will be better off," she said, "mentally and physically, as well as financially, without your pipe."

     "But all great men have smoked," he urged.

     "Well," she said, "just promise me that you'll give up smoking till you're great.  I'll be quite satisfied."

   A Scotsman dying in an American hospital expressed a strong wish to hear the bagpipes once again before he passed away.  Far and near they sought for a piper, and having found one at last they made him perform daily on the grass outside the patient's room.  To the astonishment of everybody, the patient recovered.  The only drawback was that the other patients all died. 

   TEACHER: "What tense is, I am beautiful?"

     JUNIOR: "Past."

   MINISTER: "Do you say prayers before eating?"

     LITTLE BOY: "Don't have to.  Mom's a good cook."

   TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?"

     JUNIOR: "Seven, ma'am."

     TEACHER: "How old will you be on your next birthday?"

     JUNIOR: "Nine, ma'am."

     TEACHER: "Nonsense.  If you were seven on your last birthday, how can you be nine on your next birthday?"

     JUNIOR: "I'm eight today." ~  

              TOAST: To the old, long life and treasure;

To the young, all health and pleasure.

- Ben Jonson

Reference: Speaker's Encyclopedia of Humor

Stories, Quotes, Definitions and Toasts for Every Situation by Jacob M Braude, Pentice-Hall NJ 1961

Part 8 - Put Some Wit in Humor

Researched by Dr Abe V Rotor

1. A young woman boarded a crowded bus. A tired little man got up and gave her his seat. There was a moment of silence. "I beg your pardon?" said the tired man. "I didn't say anything," replied the young woman. "I'm sorry," said the man. "I thought you said 'Thank you.'"

2. An American engineer returned recently from a mission to the Soviet Union. The Russians, he reported, were fascinated by the Americans' use of the expression OK. " But what is this Okie-Dokie? one Russian asked him. Before he could answer, another Russian interrupted with, "Don't be a dope. It's the feminine of OK.

3. A grade-school student was having trouble with punctuation. "Never mind, sonny," said the visiting school board president, consolingly. "It's foolish to bother about commas; they don't amount too much, anyway." "Elizabeth Ann," said the teacher, "please write this sentence on the board: "The president of the board says the teacher is misinformed." "Now," she continued, "put a comma after the board and another after teacher."

4. Here's a story about smart kids. "I wonder why people say Amen and not Awomen?" Bobby questioned. His little friend replied, "Because they sing hymns and not hers, silly."

5. It often happens that I wake at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope. (Pope John Paul XXIII) 

6. “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”—Benjamin Franklin

7. Here's a story for the political candidate for the coming election. Voter: "Why, I wouldn't vote for you if you were Saint Peter himself." Candidate: 'if I were Saint Peter, you couldn't vote for me - you wouldn't be in my district."

8. Motorist: "Your honor, I was not drunk.  I was only drinking." 
      Judge: "Well, in that case I an not going to send you to jail for one month - only for 30 days." 

9. A fellow in a lunatic asylum sat fishing over a flower bed.  A visiting doctor, wishing to be friendly asked.
"How many have you caught?"
Answered the not-so-dumb fisherman, "You are the ninth."

10. The many faces of Peace
Peace is often mispronounced and a butt of jokes: fish, feast, piss, fish be with you, phase 1- phase 2, piece of paper, may you rest in peace (good sleep). – (Fr. Jerry Orbos, June 11, 2006)

11. Count
What comes after five? Six, po. 7? Eight, po. Who taught you how to count? My father, po.  What comes next after ten? Jack, po. (Fr. Jerry Orbos, June 11, 2006)

12. Neighbors
"Good morning, madam. I'm the piano-tuner."
"But I didn't send for a piano-tuner."
"I know, It was a committee of your neighbors that called up." 

13. Man - Men
Men can be divided into three classes:

1. The handsome
2. The intellectual
3. The great majority

14. Three things to give to marriage:

1. Industry
2. Inspiration
3. In

15. Language 
"So you have just returned from Paris.  Did you have any trouble with your French?"
"No, but the French did." ~

Part 9 -  Learn and practice the art of telling jokes 

Dr Abe V Rotor

Author make a tree laugh

The art of telling stories that are humorous and witty, jolting people from their seats, or simply breaking the ice, so to speak, is an art. It disarms people from bad mood, lightens the load of daily grind, and makes them share it.. their own jokes and wits as well.

On waking up and find yourself a millionaire

Five Filipinos were discussing what they would do if they awoke one morning to discover that they were millionaires. The Cebuano said he would build a big cockpit arena.

The Manileño said he would go to Las Vegas and have a good time.

The Palaweño said he would build an island resort.

The Ilocano said he would deposit the money in the bank and live on its interest.

The Boholano said he would go to sleep again to see if he could make another million.

Why does a captain go down with his ship?

A soldier who lost his rifle was lectured by his captain and told he would have to pay for it.

"Sir," gulped the soldier, "Suppose I lose a tank, will I have to pay it, too."

" Yes, you will, even if it takes your whole life in the army."

"Now I know why a captain goes down with his ship."

Honesty really pays

Two friends were riding a bus and had just reached their destination. At the station one of them realized she hadn't paid her fare. Confessing to her friend she asked, "Did you pay for me?" To which her friend wryly answered, "No."

"Well, I'll go right up and pay."

"Why bother? That's just a small matter, and you were able to get away with it."

"I believe that honesty always pays." And virtuously she went to see and pay the conductor.

She returned holding a fifty-peso bill. "See, I told you honesty always pays!" "I handed a twenty-peso bill and he gave me this change." ~

Time and space

"The distance between Manila and New York is the same as from New York to Manila." Explained one of three friends.

"Well, not when you come back on the other side of the globe."

"What do you think, Jon-Jon?"

"I dunno; its just a week from Christmas to New Year, but is it a week from New Year to Christmas?"

Just the same

"If you have your life to live over," the prominent octogenarian was asked, "do you think you'd make the same mistakes again?"

"Certainly," said the old man, "But I'd start sooner."

Memory lapse

"Have you forgotten that 500 pesos I lent you a month ago?"

"Not yet, give me time." ~

Disparity

In his Sunday mass homily, the priest told the faithful, "As I look around, I ask myself, 'Where are the poor?' "

"But when I look at the collection, I say to myself, 'Where are the rich?' "

A five-letter word is the real problem

A five-letter word,

not enemy, not study,

not bored, not birth,

neither dying nor death;

wanting around the world

in springtime or autumn,

in dark days or sunny -

this five-letter word;

craved by everybody

none other but money.~

 

Author with his students at UST; children in frolic.

Activity: Write down jokes you can recall. They should be witty, clean and meaningful. Avoid vulgar jokes. Compile them into a collection or book.

Part 10 - Cheer Up, It's Christmas!

Original Title: Christmas Stories, Events, Jokes & Quotes

Selected and compiled by Dr Abe V Rotor

 The small girl had spent the morning watching her mother do her Christmas shopping.  Finally, she found herself in a big chair beside the department-store Santa Claus, tell him her wishes.  "... and a big doll and a doll buggy and a doll house ..."  she finished the long list.  Then sliding from the chair and walking away, she suddenly turned back a pace, and called, "And charge it, Santa Claus!"

x x x x

CONDUCTOR: "You know darn well the distance between Chicago and Cleveland is the same as from Cleveland to Chicago. Any damn foo knows that."

PASSENGER: "I dunno; it is just a week from Christmas to New Year, but is it a week from New Year to Christmas?" 

x x x x 

A youngster walked into a bank the other day to open an account with $1000.  The bank's vice president gave him a benign smile and asked how he had accumulated so much money.

"Selling Christmas card," said the lad.

"Well, you've done very well.  Sold them to lots of people, obviously."

"Nope," answered the little boy proudly.  "I sold all of them to one large family - their dog bit me."

x x x x

A mother took her five year old son to a mall to say, "Hello" to Santa Claus, who in turn, asked. "What would you like for Christmas, sonny?" 

"A bicycle, a football, and a pair of skates." the youngster replied promptly.

"I'll certainly try to see that you get them," said Santa. 

Later, the mother and son visited another mall and stopped to see Santa there.  Again the same question and the same answer, but Santa asked, "And are you going to be a good boy?"

x x x x

A little girl about five received a box of crayons for Christmas and made a great many pictures.

"What is this one?" her mother asked.

"That's  Baby Jesus on the manger."

A little to one side were three vertical lines - the wise men perhaps, or the shepherds.  The mother inquired what they were.

"Mary and Joseph are going out for the night." the child explained, "and that's the sitters coming in."  

x x x x

Here it is the middle of January and we're still cleaning up from Christmas.  Last week we cleaned out our checking account; this week we cleaned out our savings account. 

x x x x

What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
What is the popular Christmas carol in Desert? Camel ye Faithful.
What part of the body do you only see during Christmas? Mistletoe.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

 x x x x

If you want to be reminded of Christmas all year, buy your Christmas gifts on monthly payment plan. 

x x x x 

May the forgiving spirit of Him to whom we dedicate this season prevail again on earth.

May hateful persecution and wanton aggression cease.

May man live in freedom and security, worshiping as he sees fit, loving his fellow man.

May peace, everlasting peace, reign supreme.

                       

"Chandeliers of Capiz above my head, 

     I'm under the sea it seems;

among mermaids and corals for bed,

    bathe in the glow of moonbeams."

                         -  A.V. Rotor  ~