The Lighter Side of Human Nature in 4 Sets

                           The Lighter Side of Human Nature

Researched and Organized by Dr Abe V Rotor

Nothing diffuses anger and conflict than a shared laugh.  Looking at the funny side can put problems into perspective and enable you to move on from confrontations without holding onto bitterness and resentment.

 

1. Humor according to Great and Popular Leaders

2. Laughter helps you live longer

3. "Get out of your box!" through Wit and Humor

         4. The Journalist is important in heaven as on earth

1. Humor according to Great and Popular Leaders

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps

with the enemy.

                        Researched and Complied by Dr Abe V Rotor

1. “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”—Benjamin Franklin

2. "After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together." - Al Gore

3. “Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”—George Bernard Shaw

4. "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." - Alec Baldwin

5. "A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong."
- Barack Obama

6. “Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”—Mickey Rooney

7. "By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates

8. "I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me." - Bill Clinton

9. "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - George W. Bush

10. "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Rudy Giuliani

11. "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." - Michael Jordan

12. “Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”—Ogden Nash

13. "I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children!" - Donald Trump

14. Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”—Katherine Hepburn

15. “Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown.  Marriage humor of great men and women.
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“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous

“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now change your Facebook status.”—Anonymous ~

2. Laughter helps you live longer

“He who laughs, lasts.”

Researched and organized by Dr Abe V Rotor

Part 1 -  You can’t feel anxious, angry, or sad when you are laughing.

 

Albert Einstein in a very good mood.  I can virtually hear his laughter.

 A study in Norway found that people with a strong sense of humor outlived those who don’t laugh as much. Laughter relaxes the whole body.  A good and hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscle relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.  Laughter boosts the immune system.  Laughter decreases stress hormone and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease, 

  Laughter -

· Boosts immunity

· Lowers stress hormones

· Decreases pain

· Relaxes your muscles

· Adds joy and zest to life

· Eases anxiety and tension

· Relieves stress

· Improves mood

· Strengthens resilience

· Prevents heart disease

 Laughter stops distressing emotions.  You can’t feel anxious, angry, or sad when you are laughing.  Laughter draws you closer to others, which can have a profound effect on all aspects of your mental and emotional health.

3. "Get out of your box!" through Wit and Humor 

Researched and organized by Dr Abe V Rotor

   " What are the chances of my recovering, doctor?

     "One hundred per cent. Medical records show that nine out of ten die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died. So you see, you're bound to get well. Statistics are statistics." 

   One hundred men went into the woods to cut logs.  They took along two women to cook for them.  Before the winter ended, two of the men married the women.  This was normal.  However, a statistician startled outsiders by reporting that 2 per cent of the men married 100 per cent of the women!  

    The lion ate a bull.  He felt so good that he roared and roared.  A hunter heard him, found him and killed him.  There is a moral to this, and it is that when you are full of bull, keep your mouth shut.      

 In a federal court, an elderly American Indian was charged with bootlegging.
     "You name?" asked the judge.
     "Have you a lawyer."

      Again, silence.
     "Do you understand English?"
     The Indian kept staring blankly ahead. The judge shrugged and turned to the district attorney.
     "This is a trivial case, anyhow," he said. "He doesn't seem to understand a word of English. Probably he doesn't realize he has done wrong. Dismiss the case."
     Told he could go, the Indian nevertheless sat motionless while the next case was called. This time it was a white man who was charged with the same offense. The defense lawyer, noted for his oratory, delivered an impassioned plea for mercy. Unmoved, the judge gave the defendant five years in the penitentiary.
     As the crestfallen lawyer was leaving the courtroom, the elderly Indianfell in behind him. Suddenly the Indian leaned over and whispered in the lawyer's ear:
     "White man talk too much." 

    People are laughing yet over an incident which occurred at a PTA meeting. Five little graders marched out onto the stage to welcome everyone, each child carrying a large cardboard letter to spell out the word "H-E-L-L-O."

     All took their correct positions except the little lad who carried the letter "O." He had forgotten where to stand.  He passed a few moments at the rear of the stage, much to the amusement of the audience.  But he really brought down the house when he finally decided he belonged at the head of the group! 

   She was an economical, industrious and ambitious young wife and often tried to persuade her husband to give up smoking.  One day she pointed out to him, in exact figures, how much he spent on tobacco in the course of a year. 

     "And you will be better off," she said, "mentally and physically, as well as financially, without your pipe."

     "But all great men have smoked," he urged.

     "Well," she said, "just promise me that you'll give up smoking till you're great.  I'll be quite satisfied."

   A Scotsman dying in an American hospital expressed a strong wish to hear the bagpipes once again before he passed away.  Far and near they sought for a piper, and having found one at last they made him perform daily on the grass outside the patient's room.  To the astonishment of everybody, the patient recovered.  The only drawback was that the other patients all died. 

   TEACHER: "What tense is, I am beautiful?"

     JUNIOR: "Past."

   MINISTER: "Do you say prayers before eating?"

     LITTLE BOY: "Don't have to.  Mom's a good cook."

   TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?"

     JUNIOR: "Seven, ma'am."

     TEACHER: "How old will you be on your next birthday?"

     JUNIOR: "Nine, ma'am."

     TEACHER: "Nonsense.  If you were seven on your last birthday, how can you be nine on your next birthday?"

     JUNIOR: "I'm eight today." ~  

              TOAST: To the old, long life and treasure;

To the young, all health and pleasure.

- Ben Jonson

Reference: Speaker's Encyclopedia of Humor

Stories, Quotes, Definitions and Toasts for Every Situation by Jacob M Braude, Pentice-Hall NJ 196

4. The Journalist is important in heaven as on earth

When we die and reach heaven there will be no need for the doctor, for we will all enjoy perfect health.  Nor will we need the opinions of a lawyer, for in heaven there will be no disputes to settle.  There will be no business in heaven, so the services of a businessman will not be needed.  But the journalist will be a very important man. In heaven, as on earth, we will all want to know what the other fellow is doing.

 A young father was pushing a baby carriage in which an infant was screaming.  Wheeling the howling baby along, he kept murmuring gently, “Easy now Donald.  Keep calm, Donald.  Steady, boy.  It’s all right, Donald.

A mother passing by paused to say, “You certainly know how tp talk to an upset child – quietly and gently.”

Then, leaning over the carriage, she said, “What seems to be the trouble, Donald?”

“Oh, no,” said the father.  “He’s Henry, I’m Donald.”

 Mark Twain once visited the artist Whistler in his studio and was looking over his pictures.  He tartd to touch one canvas.  “Oh,” cried Whisler, “don’t touch that!  Don’t you see, it isn’t dry yet?” 

“I don’t mind,” said Mark Twain, “I have gloves on.”

 Battle of the sexes.  Men sy women can’t be trusted too far; women say men can’t be trusted too near.

 With the progress in today’s transportation, There is no such thing as a distant relative. ~