The Lighter Side of Human Nature
Wit is the Soul of Humor
A reminder to speakers and the media
"Humor has bailed me out of more tight situations than I can think of. If you go with your instincts and keep your humor, creativity follows. With luck, success comes, too." - Jimmy Buffett (American singer-songwriter)
The lady candidate was being rudely heckled by a man who bawled" "Don't you wish you were a man?"LADY CANDIDATE: "Don't you?"
I like this joke in the US where there are only two political parties, which are often at odds.At a recent political meeting a well-known Republican was speaking. He remarked that his method of obtaining votes for the Republican party was to give every taxi driver a large tip, then tell him, "Vote Republican."
"I think my way is better," said a colleague. "I give no tip and tell them "Vote Democratic."~
Romance
The salesgirl at the perfume counter leaned toward her young customer and whispered, "If I may, let me give you a word of advice - please don't use this when you are bluffing."
Old Age
A celebrated actress had grown old, she took a flat high above the city. One evening she was visited by an old admirer who knocked at her door all out of breath from the long climb.
"Madame," he exclaimed, "why is it that you live so high up?"
"Dear friend," replied the actress, "it is the only way I still can make the hearts of men beat faster."
Opportunity
A debonair took a glamorous girl out on a date. They were driving down a moonlit country lane when the engine suddenly coughed and the car came to a halt.
"That's funny," said the young man. "I wonder what that knocking was."
"Well, I can tell you one thing for sure," the girl answered icily. "It was not opportunity knocking."
A playboy was proposing to a girl who refused to take him seriously.
"I'm fast and loose now." the playboy said, "but if you'll marry me, I'll be just the opposite of what I am today."
"That's what I'm afraid of," the girl replied. "The opposite of fast and loose is slow and tight."
Partnership
A tramp knocked on the door of the inn known as George and the Dragon. The landlady opened the door, and the tramp asked, "Could you spare a hungry man a bite to eat?"
"No!" replied the landlady, slamming the door in his face.
A few minutes later the tramp knocked again. The landlady came to the door again. This time the tramp asked, "Could I have a few words with George?"
Researched and organized by Dr Abe V Rotor
Politics
CITIZEN: "It must be terrible for great political leaders to split."
HENCHMAN: "Not if they split 50-50."The lady candidate was being rudely heckled by a man who bawled" "Don't you wish you were a man?"LADY CANDIDATE: "Don't you?"
I like this joke in the US where there are only two political parties, which are often at odds.At a recent political meeting a well-known Republican was speaking. He remarked that his method of obtaining votes for the Republican party was to give every taxi driver a large tip, then tell him, "Vote Republican."
"I think my way is better," said a colleague. "I give no tip and tell them "Vote Democratic."~
Romance
The salesgirl at the perfume counter leaned toward her young customer and whispered, "If I may, let me give you a word of advice - please don't use this when you are bluffing."
A celebrated actress had grown old, she took a flat high above the city. One evening she was visited by an old admirer who knocked at her door all out of breath from the long climb.
"Madame," he exclaimed, "why is it that you live so high up?"
"Dear friend," replied the actress, "it is the only way I still can make the hearts of men beat faster."
Opportunity
A debonair took a glamorous girl out on a date. They were driving down a moonlit country lane when the engine suddenly coughed and the car came to a halt.
"That's funny," said the young man. "I wonder what that knocking was."
"Well, I can tell you one thing for sure," the girl answered icily. "It was not opportunity knocking."
A playboy was proposing to a girl who refused to take him seriously.
"I'm fast and loose now." the playboy said, "but if you'll marry me, I'll be just the opposite of what I am today."
"That's what I'm afraid of," the girl replied. "The opposite of fast and loose is slow and tight."
Partnership
A tramp knocked on the door of the inn known as George and the Dragon. The landlady opened the door, and the tramp asked, "Could you spare a hungry man a bite to eat?""No!" replied the landlady, slamming the door in his face.
A few minutes later the tramp knocked again. The landlady came to the door again. This time the tramp asked, "Could I have a few words with George?"
Female of OK
An American engineer returned recently from a mission to the Soviet Union. The Russians, he reported, were fascinated by the Americans' use of the expression OK. " But what is this Okie-Dokie? one Russian asked him. Before he could answer, another Russian interrupted with, "Don't be a dope. It's the feminine of OK.
Awomen
Awomen
Here's a story about smart kids. "I wonder why people say Amen and not Awomen?" Bobby questioned. His little friend replied, "Because they sing hymns and not hers, silly."
Not drunk, just drinking
Not drunk, just drinking
Motorist: "Your honor, I was not drunk. I was only drinking."
Judge: "Well, in that case I an not going to send you to jail for one month - only for 30 days."
Judge: "Well, in that case I an not going to send you to jail for one month - only for 30 days."
Not-so-dumb fisherman
A fellow in a lunatic asylum sat fishing over a flower bed. A visiting doctor, wishing to be friendly asked.
"How many have you caught?"
Answered the not-so-dumb fisherman, "You are the ninth."
"How many have you caught?"
Answered the not-so-dumb fisherman, "You are the ninth."
Palindrome
In a nursery school, a proud parent was telling to another, "My daughter is only three, yet she call spell her name backwards."
"That's interesting. What's her name?"
"Anna."
"Funny! And what's her family name?"
"Rotor." ~
NOTE: Author's daughter is ANNA ROTOR
“Everything in nature invites us constantly to be what we are.” – Gretel Ehrlich
In a nursery school, a proud parent was telling to another, "My daughter is only three, yet she call spell her name backwards."
"That's interesting. What's her name?"
"Anna."
"Funny! And what's her family name?"
"Rotor." ~
NOTE: Author's daughter is ANNA ROTOR
“Everything in nature invites us constantly to be what we are.” – Gretel Ehrlich
Reference: Speaker's Encyclopedia of Humor, By J M Braude
Judge Jacob M Braude is internationally known for his books of humor - stories, quotes, definitions and toasts for every situation. As a judge, he believes that punishment should fit the individual, not the crime, and that the bad boy is product of circumstances over which he has little control. No wonder Judge Braude's writings are ingrained with morals and lessons woven in fine fabric of wit and humor.
Judge Jacob M Braude is internationally known for his books of humor - stories, quotes, definitions and toasts for every situation. As a judge, he believes that punishment should fit the individual, not the crime, and that the bad boy is product of circumstances over which he has little control. No wonder Judge Braude's writings are ingrained with morals and lessons woven in fine fabric of wit and humor.
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